Dumbledore and Voldemort

. . . then Dumbledore and Voldemort's  battle in Order of the Phoenix is really just a giant schizophrenic breakdown.

Cont.

. . . which would make her Justin Beiber's mother.

Twilight

. . . then Twilight is a delusional and disturbing book written by a psychopath who is the reincarnation of Freud, who is not one of us, but is an alien from another world.

Dumbledore's Army

. . . then Dumbledore's Army is Harry trying to teach himself defense against himself because he won't teach himself how to defend himself because he thinks he is lying about himself coming back to life.

The Cycle of Government

Masochism

...Then Hitler, Jack the Ripper, and all the other murderers were just masochists that weren't satisfied with only mutilating their current body.

Narcissism

...Then we are all the most narcissistic person in existence, because we can't help but fall in love with ourselves, as well as talking to and looking at ourselves all the time.